I am terrified in a way that I have not been terrified in a long time. Practicum starts next week. P-R-A-C-T-I-C-U-M. More like PRACTICALLY-SHITTING-MYSELF. It all seemed so simple, I would observe, I would learn, I would be ready by this time, but observations have only made it more daunting. Do you know how hard it is to be an effective teacher? No? Well it’s hard. To be a teacher is simple, but to be a good teacher who cares, who takes interest, who is passionate, who is clever, who has a good sense of humour, who is talented at teaching, this is complex, this is HARD.
Not only are we expected to teach four days a week, but we are also expected to keep up with a work load that has us handing in two assignments, all of about 5000 words, every single week. I am exhausted. I’ve never done something so rewarding though, and I wouldn’t give it up for the world, and sometimes I get scared that I won’t make it through because I want this so much, I want to be a teacher, and I will spend my whole life trying to be a good one if that’s what it takes. Well, maybe not my whole life, there is a little more in me than that, but I want to be great wherever I am.
So I have to keep trudging. Tomorrow is my second to last day in Pre-Practicum and I will enjoy it because I love these students and I love this school where you can see a body of water from almost every classroom, and I love being busy trying to change the lives of young people, I love being able to offer them something if only a listening ear.